Unemployment

My last day at work at Sky was today, and my work leaving drinks was last night. Somehow a leaving drinks tradition has started whereby the leaver has to drink their name in shots - i.e. one for M-A-Y L-E-E. That's a pretty short name relatively speaking, and I got let off easily - I did the MAY and that was it. M for Malibu. A for Absolut Vodka. Y for Yagerbombs (spelt poorly, should be jaegerbombs).

No hangover today - I am slowly tricking myself into believing in my drinking invincibility again. All I did at work today was show up at 10, go to the pub for lunch for 2 hours, then put together a reading pack for someone who is going to join the team in 2 weeks, and then get a leaving speech from my first boss Simon and my successor Stu. Then I said my thank you's, during which I of course cried and couldn't look anyone in the eye (it reminded me of how I was making my way fine through our wedding vows until I looked Keith in the eye and then blubbered/snotted my way through the second half of the ceremony). Then opening my embarassing card (full of drunken pictures of me at the Christmas parties!) and lovely presents (my first Tiffany blue jewelry box!), a piece of cake, some hurried goodbye emails, and that was it. Handed my laptop and access card over to Stu and called it a day.

I don't think I'll really feel it until Tuesday rolls around and I don't go into work (Monday is a bank holiday here) but it already is a bit weird. I have only ever left two employers in my grown up career - KPMG and Thomson Reuters. Although at KPMG I think of KPMG Vancouver and KPMG London as completely separate places. In Canada I was trained, did my exams, made some of my most enduring friendships (my three bridesmaids all came from KPMG Canada). When I left KPMG Canada I thought I was going to be back in 18 months, so didn't really have to do a mental or emotional goodbye. At KPMG London, I was sick of audit, and hadn't really grown or really put in the right effort in my year in the UK. When I left, it was well past time to go, and I had stayed only so long as to sort my UK visa out. It was very much a sense of relief to leave. Besides the significant personal event of meeting my husband there, it really hadn't added anything to my career. So, glad I was there, thank for the inadvertent matchmaking, see you later. It was scary to leave audit but I had no doubts it was the right thing.

At Thomson Reuters (which I still prefer to think of as Reuters) again I made loads of friends, had a lot of fun (month end Thursdays = 5 beers for Andrew and Xav and 2.5 glasses of wine for May, conveniently downstairs in one of the 3 pubs attached to our building in Canary Wharf), got some much needed non-public practice experience, and networked my way into a department move into Group Finance a year later. When I joined I didn't understand fully what my role meant (who does when all you've done is audit?) and knew fairly quickly that I wanted to be in Group Finance instead. Unfortunately that same year Reuters became Thomson Reuters and London Group Finance ceased to exist. Financial reporting being what I considered to be an essential experience area, I gave the newly created technical accounting role reporting into various US-based managers a few months before deciding to jump ship again - seeking work in Feb 2009 right after the global financial meltdown. Likewise, sad to leave friends, but again necessary for the career.

So then we get to Sky, where I've worked for 3 years, and the job has been exactly as it said on the tin, and therefore given me the experience that I was looking for. I learned so much and if I weren't leaving now I would have the opportunity to rotate into commercial finance and learn even more. I'm not saying it's been perfect, and many a day I would hit brick walls that made me want to shoot myself, and it's not like I woke up every Monday morning bright eyed and bushy-tailed, but certainly it has been the most rewarding job I've been at. So when I leave now I know I gave it my all but I'm not sure I've exhausted what I could have gotten out of it yet. Which makes leaving really quite a weird feeling. Weird not really being an apt adjective - wistful? sad? I don't know, but maybe it best sums it up to say: Surely it's not time yet?

I also haven't been unemployed since, well, ever. I got my job with KPMG when I was still in university and was 19 years old. I've never since left a workplace without having already secured my next job. I can't properly start looking in Vancouver until I'm back in Vancouver, so I am in a limbo stage. I am trying to chill the F out given Keith is bringing in income and we have decent savings (and I haven't had a break between jobs since, again, ever) but having no employer is an uncomfortable feeling for me.

Well much packing to do still and leaving country responsibilities, so won't have much time to dwell, just moving on, moving on to the next thing on the to do list. But can't help feeling a little gray and a little blue.